When I was a kid (15-16 kinds) I used to write a series of stories called “Growing Up”. They featured a female protagonist who I inflicted all kinds of miseries and conflicting emotions on.
She was my testing ground. The one who I tried all decisions on. The one who succumbed to peer pressure. The one who hit the rock bottom I wanted to. The one who rose and flourished despite all odds. Who fell in love, got her heart broken, dumped people, chased her dreams and all that sort of thing.
Somewhere, I grew up, stopped testing things on her and started to live by popular opinion. And somewhere, I got lost.
This last year has been extremely taxing for me. I have done a lot of things right and even more wrong.
But at the end of everything, I realize that I’m not as much confused as wrapped up in a million layers of what “well wishers” think.
I live at home and have no clue how to live on what I earn.
I couldn’t study for two years and now, I almost get led on what career I should pick.
I got named a “Star Performer” at work and I’m still not convinced that I’m doing a good job.
And at the end of it all, I end up feeling I owe so much to so many people that I don’t really know what I’m doing for myself.
I’m not confused. I’ve grown up. And I’m still clinging a little too much to too many people.
My father, my brother and others have offered to “support” me. But think I should support myself first.