It’s been a long time since I used the phrase, but it was the first that came to mind as I was chatting with a friend this morning.
I was thinking about the last two years that are well chronicled in this blog. And I was thinking about the years that are to come. And it was quite an interesting chat.
Her: i almost told my parents yesterday dat i’ve had enough start hunting but again stopped myself somehow being led by a guy makes me feel defeated i feel is this what i am worth?
Me: it’s a universal thing. but i realize that it’s not about being led by a guy.
somewhere, by being born into a conservative brahmin family, we are bound by a lot of rules
we can break the rules, no issues. but then, we can’t, or at least i couldn’t cross a certain line
i just cant do something my parents are not happy with
Her: yeah,we cannot do that
i very well remember u telling me in canteen one day… that no matter how progressive we become at the end of the day we’ll have a hum aapke hain kaun wedding and not a sakhi (saathiya) wedding
me: lol wow! i really said that?
im proud of myself
me: so it’s like that. i feel that maybe i struggled too much to assert myself
i kept waiting for “jaa simran jaa jee le apni zindagi”.
but that happens only in the movies
I guess it’s the most honest I’ve been in the last two years. Time after time I see the same question crop up. What does it mean to give up what you want to do to make your parents smile? And is the smile worth it if you feel that you made a sacrifice for their sake?
Half a couple is what people view you as at a certain point of time in life. Someone to be matched with the other half in order to live a fulfilled life. But that’s not all there is to a girl’s identity!
At the same time, I now realize that given that we exist in a certain kind of setup and the limits of the setup, it would be wisest to choose an alternative that allows you to do what you want within the framework than fight the system. Fighting the system is fine, but only if you’re prepared for the price it comes at. And it’s obvious that for the last two years, I was not.
Is it such a defeat allow marriage to be your escape from a constraining environment? For a long time I thought it was. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I wasted two years fighting a battle of principle that I couldn’t really win. And fought a battle that existed solely inside my head.
I realize that it is not such a failure to let a guy help you accomplish what you’ve always wanted to. The confusion that you’re in, the time that’s spent brooding, the stress that you feel, the frustration of not being able to do something more useful, the feeling of watching the world pass you by… They’re worse than what you would feel in knowing that there is someone without whose support you could never have made it. And the right guy is the one who lets you accomplish it all knowing that you couldn’t have done things without him but not for the reason the conservatives believe…
No. Marriage before establishing a solid career is not as terrible as it looks to be…