husband dearest won’t comment on my blog, who will? Boo! hoo! hoo!
“You know all there is to know about me and you still love me?”
“I know all there is to know about you. That is why I love you.”
Yawn! Is it Spring Yet? November 23, 2009
I’m hibernating. This time, for real. I’ve been reading books at a remarkable rate, cooking, eating, sleeping, spending time window shopping on Amazon (I love the used books), chatting with friends, reading random news (even more than when I was working at Tech Support) and been generally day-dreaming…
I’ve also decided to apply to some PhD programs. 🙂 I know, like the Husband’s PhD wasn’t hard enough, we’re going to live through another one. This time though, Husband will be making tons of money and also, he’ll be forced to be more “understanding spouse” than I was because he’s been through the PhD thingy. Whatever… This assumes that I am actually going to get an admit from a school I like. With funding being cut everywhere (in everything except healthcare and related fields) it might not be all that simple.
Other updates (bulleted list because I miss writing case papers for school):
- Texas is warm
- We’re finally living within 10 miles of Mysore Masala Dosa serving restaurant
- We’ve been driving our car on its spare tire because we’ve been too lazy to get the flat repaired
- We own actual furniture (bed, dining table, futon and TV) Yay Ikea!
- bought a completely useless appliance called electric kettle (I’m too lazy to even heat water on the stove now)
- decided to make new friends and well, blah blah blah!
Ooh! Forgot! The Husband and I are going to celebrate “one month of living in the same apartment” in a few days. Major milestone for us. So, this is what being married really feels like!
Explaining Arranged Marriages September 29, 2009
I’ve had to explain the concept of an arranged marriage to many, many American friends. Depending on the tone of the question, I vary my response…
If the person is curious about the arranged marriage thing but does not seem judgmental, I try and explain it as simply as possible. Well, arranged marriages are a part of our our culture and it doesn’t seem weird to us, I say. I can see how you might be creeped out by the idea of your parents interfering in your life at such a personal level but it doesn’t feel as weird to us. Besides, while it’s true that in rural India the woman doesn’t really get a choice, the urban landscape is slowly changing. Most educated parents would be ok if their kids met someone they wanted to marry. We do get a chance to meet someone a couple of times before we decide to get married and we do get a choice. But it’s still insanely fast and I can see how it wouldn’t make sense to you.
Sometimes, I meet people who want to know how you can be married to a stranger and make it work. I explain that in my opinion, it takes the same things to make a marriage work no matter how you meet your spouse. It still takes a little romance, a lot of patience, a little less ego and accepting the other person’s little eccentricities. With an arranged marriage, we escape the “You have changed” fights because we don’t have a dating history to refer to, we just accept a few things and get on with it.
If the person is looking for me to validate their own notions that all Indians have the same kind of arranged marriage, I’m happy to oblige. Well, yes, our parents do decide who we marry, I tell them. And as incompatibility is not a socially accepted reason for divorce, you would be forced to get along with the person For The REST OF YOUR LIFE.
If the person seems to think it’s one of those things where India still needs to learn from the West, my response gets even wilder. Did you know that in many Indian families the parents decide who their daughter should marry the moment she is born? (well, it does happen in Bollywood movies)
Just as I don’t really understand American culture even though I get the rules, I don’t expect an American to ever agree with the concept of an arranged marriage. It just goes against everything American – freedom of choice, space, privacy… But we usually agree that there are some differences that must be accepted and not really understood. There’s no point, really.
I filled a whole blog with ramblings on arranged marriages and I while I am happily married, I am still fundamentally opposed to the idea of arranged marriages based on the “Engineer/Doctor/MBA, same caste, matching horoscopes, are the boy’s parents richer?” criteria. How could I ever expect someone from a completely different culture to think it makes sense?
My Husband’s Wisdom August 6, 2009
Me: Why should we lie just to spare someone’s feelings?
and that too for someone we don’t like?
especially when it’s wrong to lie?
Him: Yea, it makes life easy :p
Insomnia July 31, 2009
I just can’t seem to fall asleep. I’ve done everything I could to put myself to sleep. Had a big dinner, cleaned the kitchen, watched Friends on youtube, commented on random pictures on Orkut… Everything!
I’m back into one of my countdown modes again. This time, I’m counting down till I move out of Evansville and move back to be with my husband. Afer a year and a half of being married, the next few months will be the first time we actually get to live together for longer than ten days.
The distance seems to be taking a toll on me at last. Not to mention the constant moving. I seem to be living in a time of constant, accelerated, change that started the moment I quit my first job in September 07. Since then, I’ve been engaged, married, shuttled between my parents’ home and my in-laws’, quit my second job, moved to the US, moved to school and moved again for my internship. Throw in a bit of disorientation from the worst winter anyone remembered, a roommate from hell, a year’s worth of medication and you’ll get somewhat close to what’s been happening in my life. Of course, before that, there was the idiot God sent to make me value my freedom who destroyed all peace and quiet in the process.
In the midst of this all, I’ve managed to write a couple of hundred blogposts, keep my friends, do well at work in India and at my internship, keep up my grades, sing in public again, not grow too fat (despite the medication), learn a bit of kickboxing, work 12 hours a week, build our marriage, built my habit of daily puja, make a few new friends, earn a drivers’ license and other bla bla bla bla life-in-the-US related stuff and also make killer dal makhani.
I’ve also been able to visit Chicago, New Jersey, Indianapolis, St Louis, Nashville, Louisville, Cincinnati, San Diego and the Smoky Mountains. Not to mention live in South Bend, Bloomington and Evansville.
There’s more change coming up. We’re going to relocate soon. And I’m going to move into a phase that I’ve never encountered so far (knock on wood). It’s called unemployment and limited income. Well, I’ve been on the second for a year now, so that’s different.
I have no clue how I’m going to survive the next few months and what I’m going to do if I don’t find a job. As each day passes by, the chasm between my life in India before my parents decided to “settle” my life (ha! the settle part is a joke, if I’ve heard one) and the life I live now seems to widen. I seem to be experiencing a range of umm… experiences that no one else around me seems to have. Some have the finances and relationship part, others have the marriage and studies part, yet others have the gave-up-my-job-and-am-quite-broke-part. But not marriage, long distance, almost-broke and studying all at once.
Now, this seems to be a good time to insert a disclaimer that I don’t think I have troubles, I just need a good rant. But then again, I only care for the people who understand that, so…
Where am I headed with this post? Is that the question you just asked? Nowhere.
I’m just playing out the choices I made out loud. Some are choices, others are defaults, yet others are the natural progression of things.
So… It almost seems ok that I’ve not been my “usual self”. It’s been so long since I’ve been my usual self that I don’t even remember what she was like anymore.
Someday, I hope to have the time to get to know my “new self”.And I hope that is before I change again…
Untitled June 29, 2009
In the midst of all the chaos
The pettiness, the jealousies, the intrusion
The endless chase, the need to prove, the judging eyes
The words that sting
The bruises that linger
The hopes that fade
Away into the background
Disappear before I knew they were gone
The dreams so rudely interrupted
By cost-benefit analyses…
In the midst of reality
The constant fight
The voices that collect in my head and out
The blatant insensitivity of them all
The need to justify
My own life
The rules of a game I never signed up for
In the midst of it all
Far removed from everything I ever wanted
In the midst of all that I never seem to understand
I have finally found
My moments of peace
Inside me it was all along, Not searched my feelings had I
Yoda would have said
But I can never believe
That I would have found these moments of happiness
Moments of escape
Moments of letting go
Moments of peace
Moments of trust
Moments of being protected from the thousand things that hurt
The smile on my face as I fall asleep at night
I know I could never have found these
If I had not found you…