Simbly Bored

It's me that's bored enough to blog. The posts are interesting enough.

One Hundred January 1, 2010

Filed under: Life — The Goddess @ 1:54 pm

This morning, I woke up with the number 100 in my head and I wondered, how many things can I do a hundred of this year? This is what I have so far:

– One hundred workouts at the gym this year (at least)

– One hundred books (no fluff allowed)

– One hundred movies no more, no less (does that seem a waste of my Netflix subscription?)

– One hundred new recipes to cook

– One hundred posts on my blog

– Visit one hundred places of culture – museums, parks, art galleries, theatre, you get the idea…

– One hundred new songs to sing (with skill)

– Add one hundred more friends on Facebook (I’m sure there are a hundred people I know who aren’t on my friends list yet – school friends, college friends, grad school friends, work friends and so on)

– One hundred conversations with friends I never seem to call

– Hold back one hundred nasty comments, say one hundred nice things I mean instead

– One hundred hours working for a cause

– One hundred hours spent learning a new language

– One hundred times of being nice to myself

Happy New Year!

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2009 December 31, 2009

Filed under: Life — The Goddess @ 5:04 pm

The weirdest year of my life has finally come to an end. This year I

– Celebrated our first Anniversary

– Got a Masters degree

– Lived in 6 apartments spread over 4 cities

– Made some great new friends

– Earned enough money to support myself for… a semster…

– Voluntarily chose unemployment!

– Weighed more than I will next year

– Succumbed to Facebook

– Shifted from fiction to non-fiction

– Did not visit India

– Drove thousands of miles

– Became more serious than ever before

– Acquired the weirdest accent I have ever heard

– Will stay up past midnight!

 

You Can’t Have It All… At Once… July 9, 2009

Filed under: Growing Up,Life — The Goddess @ 11:07 pm

Today, I heard some of the most powerful words I have in a long time.

You can’t have it all, at the same time.

We spend so much of our time and energy chasing it all. The best grades I can get, the best our marriage can ever be, the best I’ve ever looked, the most time I’ve ever spent with God, the best friendships I can ever imagine. And of course, there’s money, there’s clothes, there’s diamonds, there’s so much!

So much time goes by trying to balance it all. Yearning for what we cannot have, wishing for more hours in the day, missing the friends we cannot find the time to talk to, feeling guilty for not working on something that makes a difference… So much of life goes by because we not only spend the energy we have on things that need to be done, we also spend it worrying about other things we wish we could do. And at the end, we seem to be left with nothing.

Where does the time go? Do we not know how to prioritize? Are we selfish? Lazy? Stupid? Unable to run our own lives? The supermoms and the Oprah’s would definitely want us to believe that.

Over the last few months, I’ve started to believe that. I’ve started to worry that I’m not as “balanced” as I should be. That maybe, just maybe, I’m doing something wrong. There’s the flab around my tummy I haven’t been able to get rid of. There’s the dull skin and the unopened tubes of face pack. There’s the unused chapati dough in the fridge because I’ve been too lazy to make rotis. The clothes lay unironed and scattered int he closet. There are movies that lie unwatched. Books that lie unread. I haven’t sung, really sung, in years. I haven’t learned to play the keyboard yet despite owning one for a year… The list is endless…

But today, for the first time, I felt free.

For the first time in months, I’ve allowed myself to listen to the voice inside me that has been saying the same thing. The friends who have been telling me I don’t give myself enough credit. At last! I don’t get the feeling I should be doing something else. I’m just happy to be in the moment I’m in.

 

The Trouble with Troubles May 6, 2009

Filed under: Life — The Goddess @ 2:34 pm

The trouble with troubles is that they’re all relative, mostly imaginary and purely contextual. 

Rarely do we remember when we’re in trouble that in a while things will have worked out in one way or the other, we will have moved on and everything will be all right all in a short span of time.

Rarely do we remember when we look back and smile at our troubles that we didn’t know before things got better that they would actually get better…

 

Hibernation? Or Laziness? April 9, 2009

Filed under: Life — The Goddess @ 11:39 pm

I haven’t blogged in a long time and I hadn’t even noticed till The Husband brought it up today.

I seem to be getting more and more absorbed in my own life, taking very little time to connect with others. And I am not even bothered to wonder why.

I seem to have calmed down, found my balance, my peace, my kickboxing, my cooking, my movies, my coursework and my life back.

I refuse to put up with too much nonsense and I feel no compelling reason to relate to other people “just because”. I like my space and privacy and my thoughts and my work.

It feels good, after all this time, to finally be free of all constraints. Self-imposed and imaginary and the very real. It feels good to sleep peacefully and not rush in the mornings. To do what I love doing, to learn as much as I am and to be as much in control of my life as I am right now.

The person I am today is so different from who I was a year or two ago. And yet so same. It’s like, I have found the courage, at last, to be who I want to be and not live to please a million others. For the first time in my life, I find that I put myself first and I have never felt better.

Yes, there’s very little to talk about in this new found peace of mine. But drama queen that I am, I know the masala will return. Until then, I am. I just am… 🙂

 

Years Going By March 4, 2009

Filed under: Discovering marriage,Growing Up,Life — The Goddess @ 12:05 pm

So, as expected, I was dwelling on how quicky a year of married life has passed by and how a birthday is rapidly approaching and suddenly, I realized, we measure too many years in a span of 365 days.

Every year, as the First of January approaches, we pull out our new diaries, make new resolutions and/or scoff at those who earnestly make resolutions and we talk of a year that went by. Last years chill, last years party, last years friends and new acquaintances. And we look at the year past and think of how the new year will be oh so different. And then we go back to the same job, the same friends, the same eccentricities and nothing ever seems to change and life goes back the way it was.

Every year as landmark festivals approach (Sankranthi (Pongal), Holi, The regional or lunar new year, Diwali) we think back on the year past and as we celebrate with those we have always celebrated and miss those always missed, we talk about a new year. And the comparisons with the year past…

Every year as we celebrate birthdays, we suddenly seem to want to take stock of what life has to offer. What we’ve accomplished so far and suddenly, age related milestones seem to crop up. More veggies we say. Less alcohol some say. More alcohol, this is our last chance before we grow up, others say. No more romance novels I say. And life seems to change for a moment as the numbers increment and we grow older. But everything comes back to being the way it was the very next day.

And now, with a new milestone to mark every year, I wonder what there is to look back on as we celebrate our first anniversary in a couple of weeks. What do married couples really look back on? What do husband and wife look forward to every year that they don’t every day of their lives? What’s new really as we celebrate a year of being married? How is a year different from a month? How is tomorrow different from yesterday? 

Things change so subtly that it’s hard to figure out the exact point at which the change happened. Life just goes on, whether we like it or not. We’re older, wiser, stupider, more married, less emotional, more patient, less worried, chasing our own tails, feeling important and being baffled by the world all at once. When does life stop for a second, really, so you can take stock?

Strangely unromantic to not want to mark my first anniversary and scream from rooftops, I guess. But I find it stragely romantic that no day is more special than the other. All days are created equal…

 

 

Annoyance and Tolerance February 22, 2009

Filed under: Life,Life in Amreeka,The Way I Am,The Way I See It — The Goddess @ 10:24 pm

So, this morning, I woke up and thought about all the different things that I have to do. I have three exams to do next week, a presentation, work as usual and general stuff around the house. Along with it, over the last few weeks, I have been involved in a musical effort as well. 

Those who know me, know how important music is to me and how much meaning it brings too my life. It’s something almost sacred to me. And for some reason, over the last few years, I gave up singing in public. I still sing for myself. But I don’t sing on stage anymore. So when I got a chance to perform this time around, I jumped at the opportunity.

Yesterdays reharsal was a disaster. For two main reasons. One, no one out there had any clarity of what songs to put in a medley. Two, no one seemed to have any constructive suggestions to make. Just a random imposition of ideas and display of their own musical prowess. 

At the best of times, I am intolerant of fake. But when I see false humility attempting to obscure arrogance in the world of music, it annoys me. Had I been a few years younger, I would have worn my boots (snow all around) and stomped out in tears. Old and wise as I am, I held my tongue and tried to busy myself with my job. There were people cutting off my singing attempting to teach me how it should be done. And that is the musical equivalent of a back seat driver grabbing your steering wheel or someone declaiming your speech for you in a bid to show you how it’s done.

I held back my annoyance, kept my patience, thanked the organizer politely and came home. All the while, I wondered if I should have let her know I found her behaviour offensive. I told myself I’m being too sensitive and calmed down.

The first thing I saw in my mail this morning was a mail from the very same organizer sending a list of flaws in our performance to the entire group of 20 or so. I am kind of old school. I believe praise should be public and criticism should be private. Being the opinionated firebrand that I am, I could keep my peace no longer and I sent out a mail asking to be excused from performing and gently pointing out that in the world that I come from, constructive criticism was delivered in a far different way.

I wonder now what it is that prompts me to react so sharply to things of late. I wonder if I am becoming less tolerant of the world or more supportive of my own boundaries. This is the second person I have been unable to get along with in the last few months. And there have been more conflicts since I moved to the US than there have been in the recent past. 

I wonder if I have changed. If I am now more annoyed and less tolerant or if I am just being more protective of myself. One of the most bitter lessons I ever learned in my life is that if you don’t stick up for yourself, no one else will. If you let people get away with behaviour that both parties know is unacceptable, they will continue to do so. But I wonder if in defendimg myself, I am looking for others to live by a value system that is entirely my own. It’s difficult to draw the line between social norms and personal values. I am led to believe sometimes that it’s ok to judge by socially accepted standards of behaviour but not by personal values.

In the end, I am brought back to the eternal question is it worth it to tolerate something unacceptable just to avoid conflict? Or is it ok to not pretend to like everyone and to get along with the whole world?