Simbly Bored

It's me that's bored enough to blog. The posts are interesting enough.

LOL! December 16, 2009

Filed under: My Idea of Humour — The Goddess @ 1:31 pm

On Wednesday morning, the actor-turned-politician announced that he would begin a hunger strike in support of “a United Andhra” at Tirupati on Thursday morning. That offer was quickly withdrawn when various pro-Telangana groups warned that no movies with any connection to Chiranjeevi would be screened in Telangana, a key territory for film distributors.

Read more here.

 

You Know You’re Getting Older When… August 3, 2009

Filed under: My Idea of Humour,Nostalgia — The Goddess @ 8:11 pm

…the items on your shopping list start to have the following key words:

  • Vitamin enriched
  • Anti oxidants
  • Wrinkle fighting
  • High fibre
  • Low fat
  • Low cholesterol
  • Whole grain

…you have any of these songs on your ipod:

  • Kumar Sanu-Anuradha Paudwal duets
  • DDLJ music
  • Cream of Clapton
  • Boyzone, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls or any of the other 90’s boy/girl bands (that includes Boyzone’s pathetic “Words” cover)

…you find yourself criticizing drivers who:

  • switch lanes without an indicator
  • drive more than 10mph over the speed limit on an empty road
  • honk
  • look like they’re college students

…you vividly remember these Bollywood movies (for good or bad):

  • Mr India
  • Andaz Apna Apna
  • Qurbani
  • Rangeela
  • Raj Hindustani
  • Trimurti
  • Hum Aapke Hain Kaun
  • Jeans
  • Beta

…you watched any of these shows on TV:

  • Ramayan
  • Mahabharat
  • Sword of Tipu Sultan
  • Malgudi Days
  • Karamchand
  • Chandrakanta
  • Zee TV’s Saanp Seedhi
  • Small Wonder

Any others come to mind?

 

Questions About India – II June 5, 2009

Filed under: My Idea of Humour — The Goddess @ 11:16 pm

The answers are actual responses to the questions posted on a website by Foreigners planning a visit to India

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. …… Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You’re a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

 

Top 10 Ways to Procrastinate April 28, 2009

Filed under: My Idea of Humour,Randomness — The Goddess @ 10:31 pm

Here’s a list of my favourite ways to procrastinate even when I have a TODO list that’s as long as my list of minor irritants:

 

  1. Make lists – It doesnt matter what you’re making lists of, make lots of them. Things to do, things to not do, things to buy, things to give away when moving out of your apartment, nasty things you wish befell on ex-boyfriends and ex-roommates…
  2. Watch random videos on youtube – Following a stream of related videos leads me to the shadier sides of youtube sometimes…
  3. Read comics – Asterix, Calvin & Hobbes and PhD Comics are my favourite
  4. Watch the same old movie the millionth time – Gives you a chance to hold a book and pretend you’re studying for tomorrows exam while actually watching the movie
  5. Play a mindless game – Gold Miner and Bubble Shooter win hands down in this category. They’re the most pathetic games, ever.
  6. Scrap random people on Orkut – Well, maybe not random. Just people you don’t recall ever adding onto your friends list
  7. Write a blog – Something about as meaningful as this one
  8. Spend time formatting meaningless blog posts – like numbering points and making parts of the text bold.
  9. Read Google news – May not be a good idea when Swine Flu’s finding its way across the world…
  10. Do homework that’s due 10 days from now – Guilt free way of not getting to what’s important now…

Ah well, maybe I should study for my open book, multiple choice, powerpoint slides, Ctrl+F allowed exam tomorrow after all…

 

Women and Cars March 12, 2009

Filed under: Little Things,My Idea of Humour,Personal Favourites — The Goddess @ 10:04 am
Here’s how the conversation went…
new friend: what type of car are you looking for
me: a small car, that doesnt guzzle gas, that could do another 25000 miles without troubling us too much
  that’s the female version
  will get back to you with the guy version later
  😀
new  friend: so you want a porche 🙂
me: wouldnt mind ‘-)
  😉
  can i get one for $8000?
new  friend: a really old one maybe
And now you know why women love Porche’s. It’s not because we’re shallow, it’s because they meet our requirements!
 

The Quest February 18, 2009

Filed under: Life in Amreeka,My Idea of Humour,Priceless — The Goddess @ 8:37 pm

It’s a dark and rainy night. The sound of the wind is drowned by the screech of the traffic behind us. We’re lost in an unknown city on deserted roads in the middle of nowhere. What are we to do?

We walk up to the closest lighted eatery and ask for directions. No one seems to know exactly where the place we’re looking for is… We’re officially lost!

Flashback – Earlier that evening:

Me: So, I’ve spent all this time on Google today and I’ve discovered the perfect place to spend our evening.

Him: Sounds great! We won’t have a chance to do this once we’re back home…

Me: That means we need to start out right now

Him: Not like we have anything better to do, lets go!

Rain, darkness, loss of map, a bus, a trolley, a bit of  bad schedule reading and confusion and another bus later, we get back to the present.

We wander around the dark roads, circle aimlessly around the block not knowing where we are headed but the destination is firmly imprinted in our mind. The quest must be achieved. This vacation must be meaningful…

A few minutes later, we meet a helpful soul who seems to be from these parts. Look! Light! Our destination!

An hour or so later, mission accomplished, we head back for the hotel. We walk to the bus stop in the pouring rain carefully clutching our purchases lest they get wet. We call the bus helpline and are directed to the right stop. The rain seems to let up a little. As we reach the bus stop, we watch the bus depart. And we’re left again in the cold, rainy, darkness to wait an hour for the next bus.

A terrible wait, a bus ride, a trolley ride and yet another bus ride later, we get to the end of the journey..

Me: So, Sweetie, did you feel like giving up halfway through before we got there?

Him: Naah!

Me: Do you think it was all worth it?

Him: Are you crazy? 6 hours to eat a masala dosa is totally worth it! Besides, now we also have uttappam to eat for breakfast tomorrow!

MORAL: A South Indian can sniff the whereabouts of Madras Cafe from 20 miles away…

 

Cartoons from Time November 21, 2008

Filed under: Link Out,My Idea of Humour — The Goddess @ 11:05 pm

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